I have sat back and watched the commotion of the last few days. I have seen the good and bad in people. I have listened as individuals tried to sway others toward and away from different perspectives.

Here is what I do know. My name is Jeff Halldorson, my wife’s name is Kelly Halldorson. These are our names, they are real and they are the ones that appears on our driver license, our mail. They are real as we are real people.

I know that Best Cookie is not someone’s given name and that person on the other end has a real name. It is yet just a name.

My name is Jeff Halldorson and I was sexual assaulted for many years by James Halldorson, prison inmate # 78719. I know he is there because Kelly and I put him there. For the next 20 to 40 years children have one less predator to worry about.

I wanted to write about the nasty emails and the lies that have been caught, the Kool aid being passed around like bad acid at a Dead show. I wanted to send out angry words and retaliations for the nasty things being said about my wife…

My wife… oh the one that let all the posts go through uncensored no matter how nasty. The one that did not remove the harshest of words on facebook, let all of you say that wanted and get their word in on that platform… I can not say that for the other half.

Yes even I often forget what it was like as she held my hand and carried me through the sentencing of my father… my sexual assaulter. It is often that I get absent minded and take for granted the woman that held me up when I was at my weakest.

I see the word that people have said with the intent to hurt and I know that they are misguided. Kelly is not one to self promote so I feel the need do it for her. To defend her if you will…

To those of you that do not know Kelly (her real name used here) she has been helping those with deep, sad stories of physical and sexual abuse for many years. When we wrote our book it was Kelly that took the high road when Harper Collins asked us to publish under a synonym. We agreed not to because I would be dishonest to the reader. We wouldn’t be accountable for what we wrote. It was Kelly that would not take the payday and run… I wish it had been me but it wasn’t.

It is my loving wife that has convinced me that in order to help we must do it willingly and without attachment, to this we have sent out countless E-books, even to some of you, at no cost so that we may share in our triumphs and failures, to heal together as a united survivor of a horrific crime perpetrated on us by the sick and evil. To allow others to see where I have failed and the affects that it has on the world around me. So that others may relate or learn. So as not put a monetary value on sharing and healing.

My wife is not jealous of anyone. Kelly gives, and gives, and gives to a point that it takes a toll on her. She doesn’t give to you. She gives to us, her family, to me her husband and her children. She gives herself completely to us and with no strings, it is often hard to except and sometimes intimidating to see a person so committed. I see in her what I want to achieve and why.

To the rest of you she shares, her words and the sights she sees. She shows a world through a camera filtered through the human heart. She shares the joys of life that is found when you are willing to clean it up after a fall in the mud.

Speaking of mud, now that you all have had a chance to throw some around you can throw it my way if you want. I have seen far worse that what you can throw.

Erin’s books enraged me. I do not apologize for that. I do not apologize for questioning her, her motives and her story. Believe me it was hard to come to my personal conclusions. I did not take the matter lightly. If in fact her story is true then a great injustice has been done and she needs to fire her editor and re-write the book. I don’t care if you want to compare it to my editor or not that is not what we are saying. Her books read TO ME like a confused mess and someone need to get the story straight.

I took the books to others and asked them to read them. I gave them to another survivor and asked for an unbiased opinion. I gave it to an education professional and asked for the same.

Just as I came to my opinions so did Kelly. They are OUR opinions. We want others to have their own opinions, to come to their own conclusions. To discuss it in an open, free dialoged.

Spend some time with us, with Kelly. Look through her pictures and read her words. Then you might know where her thought are when it comes to writing about Erin. To see the human behind the words may give you a different perspective. To understand that the word forgiveness is not a word used lightly. That an honest and true apology is not to be taken for granted.

Erin Merryn is not a real person. It is a name made up to hide the identity of girl that has had her world turned upside down. The fact that it is not her real name means a lot to me. It means that the consequences for the words are different. If you don’t believe that I will tell you from experience that it is. I cannot hide from my words I have no choice but to be responsible for them. Kelly taught me that.

The person behind the name Erin Merryn is another story. All the characters have different names and different outcomes. “Brian” is not “Brian” but someone else nameless to us, and from what we are told running around hurting others. Anyone of us or our children, our daughters or sisters could be hanging out with him and we wouldn’t even know he was the key to a book.

That is why we do not hide from who we are.

I am Jeff Halldorson, sexual assault survivor, man, husband, father, author and artist. My name defines me it is the last name of the man that assaulted me…

It is the last name of my wife Kelly Halldorson, Uncensored and she is my hero… throw your mud.

Times Square

Not every victim of child sexual assault can hold up a sign in Times Square. Not every victim of sexual assault is comfortable talking about it or getting help. That is one of the many reasons Jeff and I have decided to give our book, Skeletons Don’t Sleep, away free (in digital format) to any and all survivors of child sexual assault. Are you a victim? Would you like a copy? Email Us: skeletons@halldorson.com

We have already given away over 100 copies. We want that number in the 1000’s. We want this book in the hands of every single survivor that needs it.

Want to know a little bit more about the project?

I wrote Skeletons with my husband Jeff. It’s the true account of his childhood sexual assault, our relationship, his father’s arrest through incarceration and the aftermath. The videos tell the story and the quotes are from people who’ve emailed us. It all helps remind us that giving away the book for free is the right thing to do, despite our personal financial struggles.

I am a member of a facebook group called “Stop Child Abuse”. Yesterday as I was looking at the the fan wall and I saw you video “Man With A Sign”. First off: Jeff, you are a very brave man. I, myself, being a child that was sexually abused can understand completely. You are an inspiration to me.

Dear Jeff and Kelly
I received your book. And I could not stop reading it. I read it all and it took me till 3 am.

I am writing from facebook, i would greatly appreciate a free copy of your book. I was abused as a child by a family member. I priced your book to purchase and at this time I can not afford to buy it, I am out of work on medical, just had my 4th cervical spine surgery in feb and suffer chronic pain, so i am limited with income at this point. I am very interested in your book to help me and others.

I just finished the book. I’ve spent much of the past day and a half reading it… obsessively…

I’ve just spent the evening sat in front of my computer in London, reading this from start to finish. Both of you are amazingly inspiring! Thank you so much for sending me a copy of your story.

Kelly: You are a wonderful and powerful woman. You are truly an inspiration as well.

Thank you for this gift and your voice in our world of many who would like to ignore this devastation and turn a blind eye. You are courageous!

If you are a survivor and you want a free digital copy of our book please contact us at skeletons@halldorson.com or on facebook.

Not a survivor but you want to support our efforts? You can buy a copy of Skeletons Don’t Sleep or you can donate to help fund our buy a PRINT book for our survivor program by emailing us at skeletons@halldorson.com.

If you are looking for a little positive, uplifting support/inspiration consider subscribing. We are going to give away a free (print) personalized signed copy to one of my blog subscribers at the end of the summer.

Jeff and I are also available for readings, speaking and discussions. For more information drop us an email at skeletons@halldorson.com.