Like many others we are struggling financially. Actually struggling doesn’t even begin to cut it.

Two years ago we were struggling but we had a nice Victorian home we rented. All the kids had there own room.  We had a nice vehicle, a Suburban without problems. We had lots of books and were walking distance to the public pool and downtown.

Today we have very little in the way of things. Very little. We live in a rundown trailer. We had to divide the back room into two separate rooms, one for the boys and one for Zoe. The rooms barely fit their beds. Most of our things got damaged in the move. Wolfgang quit playing hockey (for a team), in part, it was just too expensive.

About a week and a half ago, our electricity was shut off. That’s right, we have no power. We need way more money than we have to turn it back on. Part of what we owe is leftover from that Victorian we rented in Dover. I didn’t shut the electricity off to it when we left so what we owe includes a number of months we were not living there. It’s not something I’m upset about, at least not in the way of being resentful. I owe the money. We owe the money. And I don’t mind paying even for the time we weren’t living there because I feel we left abruptly and even wish we could do more for the landlord. They were great people we were caught just up with what was going on with us. I want to pay it.

We also have medical bills, student loans, even some tax stuff we have to sort out (although, I don’t believe we’ll end up owing anything there). We were weren’t/aren’t big on credit cards so it’s not like we have a lot of that kind of debt. It’s just life stuff. If we ever had something big to buy like a computer or whatever we’d just put the money aside and buy it outright. We didn’t do credit.

Neither Jeff or I have been working for a year and a half. Not working at a job, anyway. It’s not that we haven’t been working really. It’s that we have shifted completely the way we do things. Jeff used to go out and work and work and work at big construction jobs (which with the economy there really aren’t any now even if that’s what we wanted). He lived a life separate from us. And we lived a life separate from him. He was never home and my life with the kids had started to run parallel to his. It wasn’t good for any of us.

Today we focus on living a life that inspires us and our children. We focus on our life with the kids and our relationships with them and each other. We work toward reducing suffering through vegetarianism, we volunteer, we advocate for sexual assault victims (and have written a published a book all in the last year) and do our best to give positively to the world and the people around us. This has become our priority, our full-time job. What living this life entails is more work than anything we’ve done before, but with it comes more joy, love and connection.

We don’t take advantage of government programs like welfare, food stamps, public schools etc. because we feel it’s a violation of our core principles. We are not opposed to charity, in fact, we had a fundraiser to help publish our book and I just added a donate button to this very page.  It’s just if we are to take advantage of any generosity we want to know for sure it was freely given.

Presently our biggest efforts are finding ways to earn income to feed, house and clothe ourselves and our children in a way that is conducive to our family living.  But as with most new ventures there is a building period and in many ways it’s as though we are starting from scratch. I’m confident that our book, my photography, this blog, our Homeschool webshow and Jeff’s illustration work, our children’s book projects, my video work etc. will evolve to a point where we are not only financially stable but we have paid back all our debts and can give financially to causes that matter to us.  We just are not there *yet* — keep watching us and you’ll see we’ll make it!

How are we getting  by now?

We barter with our landlord for rent, right now we are building a greenhouse for him. A commercial sized greenhouse. We’ve sold a lot of our stuff, including most of Jeff’s larger tools. We share a cell phone. It’s a Boost Mobile phone that costs only $50/mo for unlimited use. We have another pay as you go phone around for when the kids need one but we probably put $10/mo on it…if that. We had to give our Suburban back to the bank last year. To get around we borrowed a couple of vehicles from friends and in January we bought a little Subaru for $500. It’s beat up but it runs and gets us to our groups and little jobs and it uses next to nothing in gas. We don’t pay for internet. We’ve found some WiFi spots around where we live and/or we go to Barnes and Noble or Starbucks (currently I’m sitting in Starbucks).

The loss of our electricity has been a gift in many ways. Laugh…but it has. It’s brought us even closer and shown us just how much we can actually deal with and still be happy. Really, truly happy.

Our goal as a family is to get out on the road. To travel around and meet other homeschooling/unschooling families. Last December we traded Jeff’s 1971 Harley Sporster for an RV. We took it on a couple of trips but now it needs a transmission. And we’ve been looking at school buses. We’d like to pick one up and convert it into a living space then travel around and meet, interview and video other families. Families that unschool. Families that public school. Families that homeschool. Families that private school. Families. Lots of Families.

The kids have been living with less than they are used to materially for the last year and a half. However they are living with MORE than they are used to freedom wise over the last year and a half. Because we’ve shifted to whole life unschooling. Our kids are free to make choices for themselves. They can choose when to get up, when to go to bed, when to read a book, when to build something, when to create, when to use play video games, when to play outside and so much more.

Some people might look at us and see neglectful parents, parents with kids that don’t have a lot of rules and don’t even have electricity…but those people would be so far from reality. Jeff and I have *never* been more attentive to the needs of our children than we have been this past year. We talk with them constantly about what their individual interests and goals are. We are WITH them nearly all the time. We bring them on adventures. We introduce them to more families and children who may or may not live how we do. We talk with them but more importantly we listen to them. We answer questions. We discuss. We find resources for their interests. Which include music, building, friends, technology, welding, boating, animals…and more of course…there is always more.

As a result we have children that write things like this. Kids that don’t complain about taking a bath with buckets of water (without electricity we have no running water). Kids that help lug the five gallon buckets of water from the greenhouse across the street every day. Kids that are actually excited about figuring out how to design a system of running/hot water that we’ll be able to transfer into an RV/Bus once we get one for the road. Kids that are just truly amazing.

When I hear people complaining about things like their AC going out, or their husband not taking out the trash I almost don’t know what to think. I’m living with no electricity. Actually, we do have a generator that we run for a few hours a day.  No running water (though we think we have that figured out so we should have it in the next couple of days). Our vehicle has not AC. We are mostly broke. We owe a lot of money.

Not to mention all the that is going on in the world at large…war, the oil spill…sigh…so much…

If you look at all the things we have against us it sounds like we have a miserable life. Then you look again and you see…

A husband and wife who have made it through infidelity, financial problems and much more. A couple who in the course of a year’s time have written and published a book that has moved and inspired literally hundreds of people all over the world.

A man who has decided to change his life for the better. A man who isn’t hiding from his past and is willing to put himself (and his skeletons) out for the world to see. A man who is dedicating his life to being a better husband and father. A man who is learning to be more compassionate and patient.

A woman that likes to take pictures and writes writes writes…with the aim of inspiring others in a peaceful way.

Three kids that I could write pages and pages about how great they are.

No, NONE of us are perfect. But we ARE happy. We ARE loving. We ARE compassionate. We ARE inspired. And we LOVE to learn.

Five people that love each other. Kids that love to learn and parents that are engaged and resourceful in finding ways to facilitate that learning. Whether it’s finding opportunities for the kids to earn money so they can buy things like iPods or a netbook or taking them on adventures to meet new people and have new experiences. A family that doesn’t just talk about their days but actually experience their days together. Kids that are allowed to be exactly who they are.

A family that chooses to live life by their own rules.

Creating love in these hard times is easy. You just have to choose to do it. Choose to see it. Choose to learn it. Choose to LIVE it.

Peace,

Kelly

Alright maybe it’s not anything new. Unschoolers and homeschoolers alike seem to be big into entrepreneurship…it’s not really *new* to our kids either but it’s always pretty cool.

The latest thing in the Halldorson household are these swords. One day at homeschool group Jeff noticed a few kids playing with nerf swords. He checked them out and decided he could do a much better job and for less money! The moms expressed interest and he made a prototype. I took a picture and posted it on facebook. The orders started pouring in. Jeff made the first order with the kids and now they plan on making them all.

Today at group Griffin showed off some of the swords they had made and jotted down designs and logged orders.

I’m hoping to put together a short how-to video for folks that would like to try making their own swords. If you are one of those folks, let me know and I’ll let you know when I post the video.

If you are interested in ordering your own custom halldorson sword…drop us an email at skeletons@halldorson.com OR message us on facebook and we’ll pass your order on to the kids.

Peace,
Kelly

I’ve decided to get back to work. Not that I ever *really* stopped working. Or maybe, more accurately I never really *started* working. I mean, it’s not work if it’s your passion, your joy…your LOVE. Right?

Either way it doesn’t really matter does it?

What I’m here to say is I’m back on the market as a photographer. And I’m available for a wide range of photography. In other words you tell me what you need done and I’ll let you know if I can do it. But the bottom line is I shoot events, kids, advertising photography, photojournalism, portraits, family, animals, scenery, bugs, sunsets, stars, wildlife…

…really I’ll shoot (with a camera that is) just about anything.

I can do black and white, color, low light, bright light, in the rain, indoor or outdoor.

I’ve been doing photography for over 20 years now. I took one photography class in highschool. That’s it, otherwise I am entirely self-taught. I’ve photographed large multi-band concerts, motorcycle group rides even a wedding or two.

I’ve done promotional photographs for bands and businesses. I’ve done head shots for model work. And advertising photography…and even designed ads.

So, if you are looking for a photographer who not only knows what they are doing but one that LOVES what they are doing.

I’m reasonably priced. Tell me what it is you are looking for and we can work out something within your budget. I’m sure of it.

If I’m shooting an event…you are guaranteed at least 200 photos an hour. At least. Photos you can keep. Photos you can get your digital negatives for…photos you can do whatever you want with. They are *yours* — You pay me for my time and talent. That’s it. I don’t hold your images hostage or force you to use my printer.

If you are looking for advertising photography. I’m your girl. Not only can I get the shot your looking for…I can edit it and create your ad if you’d like too. If you can imagine it. I can help you make it come to life.

These photos on this entry. They are just a few of the thousands of pictures I’ve taken in the last few months alone.

Who knows maybe I already have the shot your looking to use for your ad…email me… kelly@halldorson.com ….and we’ll find out.

I realize the month is more than half over. Maybe next month we can participate from the start but I just entered us in this contest. I’m feeling pretty good about the book today.

Last night it *finally* showed up on Amazon. I’m hoping that means it will be available through the other retailers any day now. We don’t make much money off our sales there but they are tracked and such so it’s still worth having them available through Amazon.

People keep asking how they should purchase the book and which way is best for us. I assume they mean which way will we make the most money. But really each different way we sell the book we benefit…just in different ways. So, I personally like the idea of people picking the way which works best for the.

Onto the sales competition…it’s at Lulu.com if you buy a book from them it probably benefits us financially the most and right now if you use this coupon we they will give you 10% off.

Just type SHOWERS as the promo code at the checkout.

Who knows maybe we’ll win…wouldn’t that be a fantastic tribute to win the sales contest during Sexual Assault Awareness Month? I like to think so. Not to mention today, April 17th is the 21st Anniversary of when Jeff was put into Straight rehab as a consequence of his disclosure of the sexual abuse.

Thank-you for the support!!!

Peace,
Kelly

This morning I woke up from one of those dreams. You know the ones where the metaphors are so obvious it’s laughable. The ones in which there is no need for a dream interpretation book? When it is so clear what your brain is working on and what areas in your life you are struggling in that all you can do is smile and share it with someone?

I sat bolt upright and out of breath. I was shaking a little. I woke up right as the dream was shifting from bad dream to nightmare, so not only was I shaking and out of breath but I was also feeling a little scared and confused.

Just before I opened my eyes…

——————————————–

I was rollerskating down a road. I had just one skate on and it was actually a cowgirl boot. The other foot was bare. It was a two lane road but traffic was coming toward me on both sides. It was a highway. There were little kids laughing and playing and walking in the direction of the traffic semi-safe in the area of the median.

The traffic kept coming at me and I didn’t understand it. I looked back at Jeff who was walking behind me. Why are they coming at me? I didn’t understand. Jeff, who of course like all dreams he wasn’t really Jeff but he was Jeff. He was a little more fit and…wait…that’s it he was Sawyer (in LOST)…but he was Jeff.

No, you’re okay.

But why is the traffic coming at me? I don’t understand. I know it’s supposed to be going the other way? I said as I struggled to press forward skating along on my one rollerskate cowgirl boot as though I’m on a skateboard. I see a little girl in the median. She smiles at me then asks for my help. She looks like me when I was little. Then she’s gone. I’m looking forward again. There is a tractor trailer truck coming at me.

I look back at Sawyer Jeff. What do I do? I don’t understand? I know I’m supposed to go this way. I know I am.

He smiles reassuringly at me. I just want to drop the skate and turn around and run to him. He nods me forward. Ushering me to turn around and get back to what I’m doing. We have someplace important to be. I turn around and the tractor trailer truck is still coming right at me. I look down at the road just in front of the truck. There are yellow arrows pointing in the other direction on both sides of the road.

I turn back to Jeff. Do you see that? Do you see them? The arrows. The signs! I’m going the right way.

He nods lovingly.

I glance to the median. The girl is there again. Do you see? Do you see? She smiles lovingly and nods.

I look forward again, confident and give one last push forward. The truck is closer but I can see, actually understand my destination.

I wake up.

—————————-

Jeff asked me this question before he fell back asleep.

Which foot was the boot on?

To which I replied. The right.

Peace,
Kelly

Alright it has been over a year and a half since I have read this book. I should also mention I read one of Michele Weiner-Davis’ other books Divorce Busting so not only is my memory faded a bit but it’s also probably a little clouded too.

So, why the hell am I doing a review? Simple really I see a ton of people that could really benefit from reading this book. Actually when I read it I told my all my kids they should read it when they were a little older. I really believe this is a book that can help people navigate *all* relationships more effectively. It’s a book about finding solutions rather than bitching about problems. I remember actually telling Jeff after we started reconnecting I told him I wanted the book to be the only wedding gift I ever gave again because I truly felt it would be the most valuable.

Why this book is so valuable? What it talks about is making change in you…through solution-based thought and mindfulness. If you are having difficulty in *any* relationship I implore you…READ THIS BOOK.

One of the most important thing it addresses is all the *voices* in your life. Most people tell you what you want to hear or at the very least what they *think* you want to hear. Period. You really don’t have to look far to see. Do you? Even the people close to you look for the easiest solution. Say you are having trouble with a particular issue in your marriage. You go to your best friend and tell them. What happens? Generally they validate your feelings but they want you better immediately. Their focus is YOU. Like individual therapy, the focus on the individual.

I say a sure fire way to end a marriage is for one of the people to see an therapist or see a marriage counselor that tells you it’s more than likely too broken to fix on the first or second session.

When Jeff and I were struggling this is exactly what happened. Jeff was seeing a therapist individually, at one point this therapist told Jeff that it was clear our marriage was over and he should only talk to me about money, the kids and work. This therapist was aware Jeff was seeing someone else, drinking and basically destroying his life and didn’t tell him to stop any of that stuff. It was are you happy with this new person? Even when Jeff told him, I don’t know I think I’m having a midlife crisis, the advice was the same. Your marriage ended a long time ago it is probably too broke to fix.

I started seeing a therapist too. She did the exact same thing. Every time I walked in she would tell me I needed to let the divorce happen. It was for the best. Jeff was no good for me. It sounds terrible I know but I’m convinced her intentions were good. She cared about me but she was focused on me. Her perspective was I couldn’t change Jeff so I should just move on.

That is the perspective of most people. They are shortsighted. They see the problems go away with the marriage dissolution, yet in reality they don’t. Michele Weiner-Davis brings the focus back on the marriage (or any relationship really). She focuses on the union. Gives the advice with a bias *for* the marriage…but continues to keep the individual in mind.

Even if your marriage falling apart. You *think* there is no fixing your marriage. There is no *fixing* your spouse. Maybe you are hopeless at this point, maybe you don’t even want to be married. This book will give you hope. I believe IF you want to stay married, this book will help that happen…even if your spouse isn’t into it.

Please take the time to read this book. It could change your life. It’s a super easy-read. Why take the chance and not read it? Skip an evening of network TV…this is so worth your time. Again whether you are married, not married, happily married, separated or have filed for divorce. Just read the damn book!

xo
Kelly

(drawing by hubby Jeff)

I’m not a fan of poetry…unless it’s Silverstein, Poe, Suess or any most any lyrics…so I think I’ll celebrate the whole National Poetry Month thing by trying to be more open. I’ve been kind of snobby about poetry which is a little ironic considering one of my reasons for not really liking it is that I find it to be one of those areas of artist expression that’s just a little too pretentious for me.

The other thing is going to make me seem even more like a cocky brat…but I always looked at it as too easy. I could write poems all day. Seriously…words pour out of me. One of the ways I have always judged art is if I think I could do it or not. It may seem silly to non-artists or even to some fellow artists. But when I look at a piece of art or read something I guess you could say I size it up a bit. If it’s something I think I could recreate pretty easily I’m not real impressed. Then again if it’s something I think I could do but would have never even thought of that wins huge points in my book.

Of course those are all just pieces. There are other obvious things I take into account when I look at a piece of art. Does it move me? Do I find it pleasing to my eyes? How does it make me feel? All of this deeper stuff counts too, I mean I’m not entirely superficial. I’m also not cold…remember I can’t even watch the trailer of Where the Wild Things Are without sobbing.

I used to feel this way about scenic photographs. I hated taking them. I thought it was too easy. I would look at a pretty postcard and think, yeah that’s pretty. It would kind of end there for me.

I decided to be a little more open about my perspective on scenic photography (as well as making it more challenging by trying to take such a large number!) just before I started the Something Beautiful project and now I’ve taken over 3,000 photographs of beautiful scenes. Not only that but I now have a far deeper appreciation of scenery. Everywhere I look now, I see beauty. If it’s not obvious, I look deeper but regardless I always find something. If I hadn’t chosen to make that effort to be more open, I wouldn’t have been given that gift of deeper appreciation.

Maybe that is what I should try with this poetry stuff…be more open…and give myself a challenge. I think I’ll try and finish the Rocklander Boon story this month. I had planned to write it as a poem. Yeah, I think that’s what I’ll do.

I’ll keep you posted. Maybe I’ll even up the challenge and write a few serious poems, I doubt it…but maybe. If do I’ll post em.

Peace,
Kelly

It’s a challenge to acknowledge such things. It’s like the serenity prayer, you know the one about accepting the things you can change and the things you can’t…and understanding the difference.

There are so many things in life with which we have no direct control over. The past is one of those things. It’s probably the hardest thing I struggle with. I want to understand. I want to know what I missed out on. I want information. As a result of Jeff’s affairs, it is the single most difficult part of our reconciliation. My accepting that I may never have *all* the information and just when I think I’ve come to accept it. I get sideswiped with a rush of emotion, visions, questions and all that crap.

Over the last year I have gotten better and better at managing those rushes. Working hard to regulate the emotions best I can but I often find myself wondering what am I to do when the rush is so strong I can’t manage any kind of regulation? When other factors interfere beyond the typical daily healing and/or life.

I think I have the answer.

Focus on regulating the behavior. Regulating your actions. Your reactions.

Allow yourself to feel the emotion. Don’t punish yourself for it, acknowledge it’s presence, spend just a moment there then let it pass. Like Jack, on LOST. Let yourself be afraid.

Your past won’t change. Your present needn’t change. You future is all change.

I look forward to watching my future evolve. My children will grow. I will make new friends. My relationships will evolve. I will create many things. I will witness much beauty. All those things will come to pass. For now I’m comfortable with knowing I can’t change the past. I acknowledge the floods of emotion my memories drag me through, while working to focus on my reactions to them.

And my present, I’m just happy and grateful for that.

Peace,
Kelly

Last night my birthday evening went pretty darn well. After we left Barnes and Noble we headed over to McDonald’s. I realize your thinking…hey wait a minute they’re all vegetarian and Kelly is vegan…why on earth would they be going to Micky D’s?

Well, the free WiFi and a quiet corner of course. We don’t have the money to spend on a movie. We don’t have Internet or even cable at home right now. We just can’t afford it and we are still planning on doing some traveling soon if *something* decides to go our way. Simplifying our lives as we have been doing doesn’t really include cable and Internet at this point. Although…it does make things a little more complex…and a little less simplified when we *need* something online and have to go somewhere to get access.

The thing is really you don’t need to pay for Internet. There is so much free WiFi available out there.

Well anyway…Jeff, the kids and I love LOST. And while we were at Barnes and Noble we realized Tuesday night’s LOST would be available online. When we stayed at my aunt’s house the other night Jeff fell asleep while the kids and I watched last week’s episode. So, while we were at Barnes and Noble he watched the episode with a pair of headphones. The thing is that isn’t really the place to watch something like that without headphones. There are just too many people around and even though it’s not a library it would be kind of rude to turn on the sound.

The McDonald’s nearby is a pretty big one and as long as I can remember the place is always empty. The drive-thru is nearly always packed but inside just doesn’t get much traffic. So we decided to head over and give it a try.

Yep, the place was empty.

We set up the computer. Jeff bought fountain drinks for the kids and apple pies all around (apparently there is no dairy in these things!). And we sat and watched LOST together. Sure it wasn’t perfect. The first half hour of the show took about an hour to get through, with buffering and getting booted off here and there. The second half went much smoother but by no means was it perfect. Other than we were there with each other.

I really love LOST. There is so much depth and mystery. Since we watch it now as a family we spend a lot of time talking about the meaning of life, good, evil, indifference, apathy, religion, the bible, eastern thought, gifts, people, choices, free will and all that other philosophical stuff I love so much.

Now that is a perfect way to spend a birthday.

I have wanted to write about this for a year now but I’ve been too overcome with emotion to actually sit down and do it. There was also the fact that part of me wasn’t convinced things were going to work out. The last thing I wanted to do was write about how wonderful things were in my marriage and what a good thing we did for our kids by working through our problems only to see it all dissolve shortly afterwards.

In August of 2008 my husband Jeff left us. He moved out, for the most part, only staying at home a few nights a week. He had a midlife crisis of sorts, complete with an affair with an ex-girlfriend. He wanted something completely different for his life and that something different didn’t involve me or any kind of family life. He even rented a place of his own in another town leaving us to figure things out. It was all really bad and we all suffered for it including Jeff.

I was told by most people (including the therapist I started to see) that it was for the best or people just grow apart or you shouldn’t have to put up with him and my favorite the kids will be fine. The people that weren’t encouraging me to throw in the towel for my own good were telling me it was all my fault. That if I had been a better wife he would have never left and I should hurry up get a job, put my kids in public school and suck it up.

I crumbled from the pressure. I sunk lower than I ever have in my life. I spent a few days in a psychiatric hospital. When I emerged, I decided to say screw everyone! Except my kids, Jeff and the few people I knew would listen. I read a ton. I picked up Michelle Weiner-Davis’ books Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy. I read If the Buddha Married. I went online and found everything I possibly could about midlife crisis and worked hard at managing my own emotions. I dropped everything I was working on. I only talked to people that were supportive and positive. I took the kids to hockey and homeschool groups. I started working part-time for my aunt and tried to give Jeff his space while maintaining my intention of saving our marriage.

Jeff wanted no part of fixing things most of the time but there were moments he did. I did my best to hold onto those moments. I was clear with the kids throughout. I wanted to stay with dad. He didn’t want to stay married to me. I was going to do my best to change his mind.

I think I need to add. My desire to stay with Jeff had nothing to do with fear of being alone or any kind of co-dependency. I knew I wouldn’t have to be alone. I could find someone if that is what I wanted. It had to do with my love for our family. My love and concern for my friend, Jeff. And my loyalty to the commitment I had made.

I was also clear with Jeff. I want to be married to you. You are hurting me but I understand you need time. I wish I could help you. When he told me the kids would be fine, I’d respond with something like I know you think that but I know that is not the case. They are not fine. You are hurting them.

I wasn’t always together. I wasn’t always able to keep it together. I did of lot of crying. I still cry. I feel the tears swelling and the lump in my throat but it’s not for the pain of the past but for the joy of the present. Our life isn’t perfect but we have come so far and we have in the past year and a half grown so close. It’s a beautiful thing.

In November of 2008 the kids and I moved into the trailer Jeff had rented. We were all a family under one roof again. Much would come out over the next few months about what Jeff had done while we were in the midst of our partial separation but we did our best to work through it.

And on March 6, 2009 we celebrated out 13th Anniversary.

Instead of going out just the two of us, we decided to let the kids have an opportunity to get out too. Jeff and I gave the kids each $10 and dropped them at the mall so they could eat, hangout and maybe buy something small for themselves.

While the kids had their adventure in the mall we went to Chipotle for dinner, hit Regal for a movie and Barnes & Noble. The kids were supposed to meet us over at Barnes & Noble after the mall closed (it’s all within walking distance). We had a wonderful night together talking and relaxing. We were happy just
being together and enjoying a low-key evening as a couple.

We were nearing the time the kids were suppose to meet us at B&N. Jeff and I looked too each other and decided it to surprise the kids on their walk back. But we ended up being the ones surprised. We only made it about 20 feet away from the B&N entrance before we noticed the kids. They were walking, smiling and laughing together. It was such a beautiful sight. They caught of glimpse of us and looked at each other and hid stuff behind their backs.
All of a sudden it dawned on us. Jeff and I looked at each other. My heart leaped and I saw the recognition in Jeff’s eyes. They had gotten something for us.

They had used the money we had given them to have some fun…to get something for us.

That will probably remain one of the most cherished moments I have ever experienced as a mother. The months prior the kids had been moved out of their big house complete with their own rooms into a small beat up trailer. They had to deal with the months of instability. Money was so tight there had barely gotten anything for Christmas or their birthdays. They dealt with not knowing for sure whether or not their parents were going to work out their issues or not. They had really lost so much yet at 14, 12 & 11 years old they had proved themselves to be incredibly both strong and mature.

We could not have been more surprised. Jeff and I didn’t give them the money to get us something we wanted them to have fun. So, we walked together back into Barnes and Noble where we sat and opened the presents they had gotten for us.

There was a mug for each of us. Mine was a really cool artsy mug they had remembered I liked from a previous mall visit but thought it was too expensive (apparently it was on clearance when they bought it!). Jeff’s mug was of course was a superman mug.

But the best part of their gift, besides having gotten us anything to begin with or besides seeing them happy and laughing together…was the card. The front of the card reads “To a Perfect Pair. Like movies and popcorn, Like thank you and please, Like Salsa and chips, macaroni and cheese, Like top Hats and tuxes, Like snow and cold weather, Like champagne and roses…” and inside “You two go together. Happy Anniversary”

And it was signed.

Love from:
Zoe
Wolf
Griffin
Thank-you for staying a family!!
Thank-you!!
LOVE US!
Thank-you for Sticking Totether
(pardon the spelling Wolf)

I carry that card in my purse every day.

Jeff often tells me I’m his hero, that I saved our family. I didn’t do anything other than be a friend to him and I wasn’t even always that good at it. Thankfully, he saw the good in what we were together and came back to us. I am truly grateful to have Jeff as my husband and friend. I sometimes feel hurt by the pain of the past but it nowhere near compares to the happiness I experience when we have fun as a family, when we laugh together, when he makes bread or homemade fried dough for us, when cuts wood to keep us warm or when he makes me fresh-squeezed lemonade.

I’m no hero. The real heroes in this story are our children. They showed us how powerful we are together.

Wishing you peace in your love,
Kelly

Hello Friends, Family & Blog Readers,

Most of you are aware of the book that Kelly and I have been writing since the beginning of the year. Well we are bringing the writing to an end and it is time for the next step.

Kelly and I have been contacted by one of the worlds largest publishing companies in the world and that makes me, and Kelly, very happy. However, Kelly and I have decided that at this point we are not going to change things make the book more palatable for mass consumption. The story is the story and we plan to keep it that way. To be true to ourselves and all those that read it. We have not yet been asked to change anything other than to consider writing it under a pseudonym. There have been no concerns about the actual writing. The writing is solid and the story is compelling. Publisher concerns are about privacy issues.

With that we have launched a fund-raiser to help us acquire the necessary funds to run the first press. The very first publication of Skeletons Don’t Sleep will be done by Kelly and I. We are starting our own small press, Pricky Hill Press (website to launch soon). The more money that we raise the bigger and better the first run will be.

Now, Kelly and I are not that good at asking for handouts so we have established a way to pay back those that help us. You can get all the info at Kick Starter. We know times are tough for everyone right now, which makes it even harder to ask but we have to in order to make this happen. The minimum pledge donation is only $10. And the project will not go forward UNLESS the fundraising goal is met. Right now we are only asking for pledges and if we don’t raise all of the money in pledges it doesn’t happen.

Since the inception of this book Kelly and I have had the honor of watching those we respected and trust come forth to help push our vision forward. We have also had the pleasure of meeting new people that believe in what we are doing and it has been heartwarming to see them take our story and spread the word.

I find, for me, the hardest part is to hear about how many people come out of the woodwork and tell me that they too have a story to tell. That this book, just with it’s existence, has helped to bring them some form of peace. I am grateful that it has helped them, but saddened to hear that they have kept a skeleton of their own for so long.

With that I am fully prepared to put myself even further out there to now ask for the help that we need to raise the money so that Kelly can do what she does best, make stuff happen, and get this book published!

Kelly has found the most economical way to produce the book with the quality that we would require in order to put our names on it. She has also made sure that it will in no way affect the relationship that we currently have with the publishing company. If anything it will only re-enforce the commitment that we have to this project and our ability to promote and sell the finished book.

If you can help please visit:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/jeffnkelly/skeletons-dont-sleep and pledge TODAY. We only have 30 days to raise a few thousand dollars.

Thank-you,
Jeff Halldorson

I’ve got this problem. It’s a stupid problem. It’s probably a problem many women wish they had. I don’t. I’m embarrassed about it. I’m hoping though that somebody can help me out.

First a little background. I’m not a big shopper. I mean, I like clothes but I’m not the kind of woman that has 35 pairs of shoes. In fact I have only four pairs: one pair of black boots (that I pretty much wear everyday - cost $35), a pair of gray Chuck Taylors, a pair of cheesy Wal-Mart Kathy Lee Gifford heals $12) and a pair of very cheap ($6) aqua stillettos (don’t ask, I was trying to win my husband back). I own all of two bras only one of which fits and I wear it basically every day. I have a weeks worth of cheap Wal-Mart thongs and don’t currently own any socks of my own. As far as tops go I’ve got a half a dozen inexpensive t-shirts and a handful of goodwill *dressier* tops. I just don’t own a lot of clothes. They all fit in one dresser drawer.

Anyway, as you can probably tell, or if you know me - you know, I’m a little person. That is a petite sort of girl, not an LP. I’m only 5′3″ and don’t weigh all that much.

So here is my problem.

I can’t find any jeans that fit me properly other than one brand of very expensive designer jeans that I can’t afford, Lucky Jeans. It’s so frustrating. And they really fit me perfectly. When I had a few more pounds on me (5-10) I could wear Old Navy jeans. BUT I still always had the problem with the waist line. It’s always too damn big. The ass and the thighs always fit but the waist is always too big. It sucks. I’d have to wear a belt to keep people from, quite literally, being able to see right down my pants or to keep them falling down to my thighs and I can’t keep track of belts - yeah - I’m that pathetic. So, apparently my thighs (and ass) are big enough to fill out pants but my waist is small, I guess. Do other people have these problems?

Grr. Anyway. I have found after many years of trial and error that what I need is a long inseam, small waist (preferably very low waist - seems to work better) and a small size. Lucky Jeans are perfect but they cost AT RETAIL around $100 a pair. I don’t have that kind of money. I’ve had some success getting them on ebay and there is that Lucky outlet in Kittery but it’s still too much money ($40-55). I need to be able to find some jeans for around $25. Old Navy would work but they are almost always too short and lately it seems the waist issue has been exacerbated by my drop in weight. I haven’t lost a ton (only 5-10lbs) but it’s enough to make a big difference.

What the hell do I do? Right now I have 3-4 pairs of jeans that I just wear all the time but I could really use a few more pair. I can’t afford it. Are there any other options out there I’m missing??

So, what’s my perfect fitting jean? Lucky Lil Maggie, 25 Long. Got an idea for an alternative?