Last spring Jeff stood out in the crowd at Times Square with a sign. The sign read, I was a victim of child sexual assault. He stood there for three hours and the kids and I filmed while most people walked by as if he wasn’t even there. A handful of people did stop and some would pat him as they walked by or tell him they were sorry.

Next year on April 17th we are going to do it again and we want you there with us. Together let us show people the many faces of child sexual assault. Our wish would be to have young people, older people, men, woman, everyday folks, celebrities, a myriad of  ethnicities and socioeconomic backgrounds.

We’ll be filming three sessions on that day, Times Square, Grand Central & Central Park. Exact times and details will be announced as they are ironed out. I will also be interviewing survivors between now and then (and probably some after too) if you are willing to be interviewed AND you think you can make it for the NYC filming PLEASE…contact me at skeletons@halldorson.com

Imagine what kind of impact we could have if it wasn’t just a man with a sign but instead was many with signs.

I’ll be working on setting up the Event/Project with it’s own page but for now if you are interested in updates sign up here. If you think you can be of help in anyway…please email us directly at skeletons@halldorson.com

Interviews will be about…

• your story of abuse
• what happened when you disclosed
• is your abuser free?
• were you believed?
• have you helped others
• have you written a book, made a movie, started a foundation?
• what do YOU think can be done

This project isn’t just about Jeff’s story it’s about all of your stories…please be a part of it. And forward it to anyone you think would be willing to participate.

So please please please consider joining us in New York City next spring we’ll probably even bring the giant skeleton…

PLEASE SHARE THIS FAR AND WIDE

Peace,

Kelly Halldorson

This will probably be one of the most negative entries you’ll see on this blog. I’ve been putting off writing for nearly half a year. Debating with myself, Jeff and the few friends we’ve shared Erin’s books with whether it’s something that we should bring to light or not. I dabbled in discussing it in another entry but couldn’t bring myself to talk about it specifically. I still don’t know what the right thing to do is. So, best I can do is tell you what I think and hope you pick up her books and/or research her and decide for yourself.

Towards the end of our Skeletons Don’t Sleep project I was busy with promotion and publishing stuff. Jeff had finished the bulk of his part of the project and was feeling idle whilst struggling to try and reply to all of the emotional emails we were receiving from people who’d seen our video/s. He decided to read someone else’s story.  At a trip to Barnes and Noble he found the book Living for Today by Erin Merryn. Seeing as it was published through HCI the company that publishes the works of Dave Pelzer, A Child Called It author, we felt it to be credible.

While still at Barnes and Noble we did a little research and were impressed with the reviews of the book and intrigued by her story. I friended her on facebook and sent her a note that we just picked up her book and thanked her for her efforts, for the cause of child sexual assault. We also told her we were working on our own book and that it had just been published. We told her if she was interested we’d be happy to send her a copy. She accepted our friend request but didn’t reply to our note. We didn’t think much because well we send messages to tons of people, some very busy people and we know first hand how hard it is to reply to all of our messages.

Any way Jeff sat on the bed that night reading next to me while I was doing Skeletons work. Less than a chapter in he started making little comments. What? I don’t understand…Huh?…How did this book get? After a couple of hours of listening to his huffing and puffing (and me dismissing him) I finally stopped what I was doing and asked him to tell me what was bothering him so much about the book.

He said he didn’t understand how it had gotten published. It was confusing most of what she was saying didn’t make sense…and so on and so forth. This is a book that a few hours before he was actually looking forward to reading and felt a great deal of compassion for the author. I responded again, somewhat dismissively, with something like Jeff it’s probably just how it was written. Do you just not like the way it was written? It had to be hard to write, you of all people should know that. Then I got back on task.

About an hour later he said, I’ve had enough of this! And tossed the book. If this is a true story, they should have helped her edit it better. I feel really bad for her if it is because this doesn’t sound legit.

The next day he was still fuming about the book. I asked if he’d read me any passages that bothered him. The first couple I made excuses for her, insisting that we assume her intent was truth and empowerment for sexual assault victims. Then gradually I couldn’t take it either…it all seemed so incredibly fabricated. We searched for an ordered her first book, Stolen Innocence while together we read the rest of Living for Today.

I literally could write a book about the things that seem wrong with Living for Today, Ms. Merryn and her effort to get a law *for children* named after her, Erin’s Law (that’s a whole other blog entry!). And as I said at the beginning of this entry I have been struggling with whether or not to write about it at all but after getting word this young woman is going to be on the Oprah show advocating for victims I felt as though it would be irresponsible not to air my concerns publicly.

I’ll start with, Living for Today: From Incest and Molestation to Fearlessness and Forgiveness. The title includes a reference to forgiveness.

From page 178:

Forgiveness begins with picking off the scab and exposing the wound no one can see but you. For that wound to completely heal, you must be able to let go of bitterness and anger and allow empathy and love to fill your heart and soul.

From page: 177

I do not judge those who cannot, no do I preach forgiveness to survivors. I only share the gift I have found in my own journey to forgiveness.

She must define forgiveness very differently from me because in the same book sometimes on the same pages she writes of her courage to forgive she goes on to write things like this…

page 7-8

His sick, twisted behavior was well thought out {referring to her 13/14 year old cousin who abused her}

page 19

Reading this letter again more than ten years after he {an uncle who supported her cousin} wrote and sent it, I still want to scream at Mike and tell him what a jerk his is.

page 31

Brian used his manipulative, controlling behaviors to silence his two cousins for his own sick pleasure.

page 34-35

Mike is the disturbed old man

What a sad, pathetic man.

page 49 {talking about grandfather’s objections to her appearance on national TV and speaking at a local school young family members attended}

It is too painful to even think of ever talking to my grandpa again without his first apologizing for his inappropriate remarks to my father about my sister and me.

My father eventually had to explain to Grandma that we did not want the Christmas presents, for they were painful reminders from the grandparents who had disowned us. The only gift I will accept from my grandparents is an apology for their words and actions, which would show accountability instead of denial. I hope one day they will consider this. Unfortunately, it appears they believe they owe us no apology.

page 54

Because of my incredible faith and ability to forgive, I was able to put Satan in his place and show him that he messed with the wrong person.

This literally goes on and on. I could continue to post snippets of examples of what *I* see as non-forgiveness but I’ll probably get sued for copyright infringement because I’ll be posting nearly all of the text of her book. Not to mention I still have some other problems/contradictions/issues about the book to cover.

Before I leave the subject of forgiveness I’ll give you two more recent examples of her non-forgiveness I found on her blog.

He will always be a scumbag

Erinmerryn | November 10, 2009

He is an evil, weak, sick, twisted, lying, scumbag that I not only have conquered but forgiven.

I received a phone call Sunday from this scumbags sister who informed me the man I call Richard in my 2nd book spent all summer in jail. AMEN!

read the rest of her entry here.

Then there is gem of forgiveness…the emphasis (bold type) is as it appears on Erin’s blog.

“Brian”

Erinmerryn | July 1, 2010

…..

Looking back at some of those emails last night the same emails he sent me that I published in my first and second book I read them now and I just read the words of a liar. A sick, evil, narcissistic, and manipulating predator! A part of me immediately wanted to walk up and confront him face to face the next time I see him and tell him that I know he is still a sick evil man and tell him he won’t get away with assaulting women forever and one day he will be held responsible.

read her full entry here.

The premise of her second memoir Living for Today is supposed to be about Erin’s disclosure of a *deeper* secret of more serious abuse than she originally wrote about in her first book, Stolen Innocence. Her first book was about the abuse she (and her younger sister) endured at the hands of her cousin. The book is her diary when she was suffering from the abuse. Abuse that by her account went on for almost two years starting when she was 11 years old. Her abuser, her cousin, “Brian” was two years older. The book is never specific about his age at the time of the start of the abuse but if you do the math it would appear he was 13, despite being a teenager (and a young one at that) Erin repeatedly refers to him in the book as the man who stole the innocence of a little girl (being her, just two years younger than the man).

Her description of the assaults are disturbing and for the most part believable. Her cousin even admits to three counts of assault when he is interrogated by police (for hours without his parents present). However, some of the specifics seem to be exaggerated, specifically her role. I have nothing to place my finger on other than she over explains and over explains and over explains, ends relationships with relatives, is ridiculously self-righteous and demands apologies from anyone that suggests she isn’t the amazing hero she believes herself to be.

The deeper secret was that she claims to have been molested multiple times and raped by a big black man (she repeatedly points out that he was a big African-American man) at the age of six. The book covers her disclosure to her parents and police. She originally says there were two other girls present for the molestation and claims to have witnessed both other girls being abused.

Now here comes just a few of the million little holes in her story.

First and one of the biggest ones. She claims to have found drawings she had done as a child that document the rape by the large black man. Drawings that *nobody* had ever found until she was days away from disclosing the rape to her parents. Drawings Erin found, herself (while alone), in a folder of childhood artwork she and her mother had looked through together just couple of years prior but never noticed. She attributes not finding the drawings then (with her loving mother by her side) to God knowing she wasn’t ready to see them.

page 75

I could not believe what I was seeing, and it had been there for anyone to see. Why was I finding these sixteen years later stored away in my parent’s crawl space? A few years earlier I had come across that same folder but took out only one or two pictures as my mom and I laughed at how I drew people when I was little. Had we continued to look at all of the papers, we would have discovered it.

Second, her story is that this large black man that assaulted her was the uncle of a friend named Ashley. The friend she never mentions in her diary (or her first book) despite being best friends. She discloses to her parents and to the police. The police open and investigation and find her alleged large black man rapist. They investigate. They interview family. Child Protective Services is called because there is another young girl living with him. The best friend, Ashley, she claims to have seen abused and claims knew about her abuse doesn’t remember anything.

page 224

I took Ashley and her mom through all of the abuse I endured.

“Ashley, do you have any memory of this?”

She shook her head. “I can’t confirm or deny it ever happening.”

“Do you think you could have repressed it?”

That’s a snippet from the final chapter in Living for Today. The chapter is called A NEW PROMISE and it has to be one of the saddest things I have ever read. You read as Erin discusses her “abuse” and plants idea after idea with leading questions and explanations. The sister, Tonia, of “Richard” - Erin’s alleged rapist -and the mother of the Ashley recounts her own story of sexual abuse as a child and guilt at the very idea that maybe she put her own daughter/s in possible danger. And Erin feeds her.

They also never find or even remember the *other* friend that was supposed to have witnessed and been victim to the abuse.

Both books, Erin’s blog and her successful efforts to have a LAW named after her (one that requires all publicly schooled children in Illinois be taught about child sexual assault - don’t even get me started on that) all ooze of horrific narcissism.

I’m all for self-promotion. I mean I do enough of it. I’m all for and extremely in supportive of the idea of speaking out against abuse and sharing your story. But after reading Erin’s books, visiting her site, watching some of her videos (check out this one for starters: http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=561&promo_id=1) I was left feeling dirty. Not dirty in the way you’d think, given the topic she covers but dirty in the way of something just isn’t right here.

My opinion is she was assaulted by her cousin. There was some miscommunication and he obviously went too far. Then she wrote a book and started speaking. She went to school and got her Master’s in social work. She heard tons of other stories, more horrific stories than her own. She didn’t feel like a powerful enough voice. She remembered a weird black man from childhood…and…her voice stronger voice was born.

I don’t know Erin. I don’t have any reason whatsoever to want to make her look bad. I think she makes herself look bad.

This is from the epilogue in Living for Today

I have survived sexual abuse and rape. I have reached a new place in my life that goes beyond just surviving. I have recently discovered a place in my recovery: no longer healing but completely healed. This wound no longer haunts me.

Really? Did you get that impression from the quotes above or from her blog entries? I certainly didn’t and I know from my experience with Jeff, among other things, that it doesn’t work like that and it is an insult to all the survivors out there to imply it does. I also find it disturbing how she seems to exaggerate the experiences with her cousin. What happened sounds terrible. Period. There is no need to make it sound worse than it was and by doing so she lessens the pain of victims of more serious abuse. And believe me I/we’ve heard stories from survivors (since we’ve been giving away free copies of our book to survivors) that I can’t even begin to describe. It’s heartbreaking really.

I’ve written this and although it might sound terribly harsh (and I’ve actually held back a LOT) I really hope I’m wrong. I’d hate for Erin to become Oprah’s next James Frey. So, please don’t take my word for it or even Jeff’s word for it. Pick up her books, check out her website and decide for yourself.

Lastly, I’ll leave you with Erin’s own words…

Living for Today, page 14

I learned that people from all walks of life are capable of things that may seem out of character or unimaginable.

Peace,

Kelly Halldorson

Yesterday we headed back to New Hampshire from a job in Albany, NY. A job which has taken up a great deal of our time and energy over the last month. We were winding things up last night but there is still stuff the family (and/or someone) needs to do on the project. It’s one of those things, you’re done but it’s not done. Which makes it all the more draining.

Our immediate reason for heading back to New Hampshire was my first gallery opening so things were positive on that end. I’ve never had my work hung in a gallery before. I had no idea how any of it works. I wasn’t even really planning on trying to get my work into a gallery. That was just something that hadn’t even occurred to me.

What happened was I messaged Jeanne’ McCartin, who writes a gossip column for Seacoast Online, about our book. She messaged me back saying, That’s funny. I’ve been meaning to contact you. About my photos, as it was. She manages a gallery in Portsmouth and was interested in my work, specifically my little creatures.

The inspiration for those little creatures sort of grew out of two things. My Something Beautiful (10,000 Photos) and the passing of my grandfather last March.

The music of NeedToBreathe, specifically their album The Heat and song More Time, got Jeff and I through the writing of Skeletons Don’t Sleep. We actually sat up late nights writing and listening to that song over and over until we finished the book. So, when we were done the book and I needed something positive to focus on to augment the darker subject of child sexual assault I started taking more photos. Then NeedToBreathe came out with the song, Something Beautiful.

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

I felt like the lyrics were meant for me. It inspired me to try taking photos of *things* every day (people had always been my subject of choice) things people go about their days and miss. Things that were/are beautiful but we often miss. I took photos of landscapes, flowers, stars, snow, trees, paths and so much more…

Then when Grampy passed. I started looking even closer. I took close-ups not just of the flowers but felt a drive to capture the bugs on the flowers too. As I saw the uniqueness and beauty of so many different creatures I had before overlooked. I got a little obsessed. Now it’s become sort of it’s own project. In the beginning it felt as though Grampy (who wanted to be an entomologist when he was a kid) was whispering in my ear… Hey! Come here, check out this one or Oh, this one is great. Can you get closer? Now my kids and Jeff and everyone really help me find the bugs!

So, here we were driving back to New Hampshire for the purpose of going to my first ever (serendipitous) gallery opening and the conversation between Jeff and I drifts to Grampy. We both miss him so much. About three minutes into the conversation Jeff says, Do you want to stop by and see Barbara later in the week? Barbara is Grampy’s wife, my step grandmother. I replied, Yes, I think I’d like that. I think she would like that.

No sooner had the words parted my lips than a song began to play.

I was so caught up in the conversation I had completely forgotten we even had the radio on. Then all of a sudden it was all I could hear. I felt it in my whole body, my soul. Tears began to well up in my eyes and slowly it built by the second verse, I was in full sob…and driving.

And the water is risin’ quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can’t be sure when it will subside
So I won’t leave your side, no I can’t leave your side

Kelly? Are you okay? You’re starting to scare us here.

I love you. I’m sorry. I’m okay. It’s okay.

I came back to earth, though I’m not entirely sure where I went. Or what it was that came to me but it felt so wonderful, powerful, and beautiful, I can’t begin to do it justice with the limitations of my words.

We met my parents at the opening. My mother was having such a nice time she didn’t want to leave!

Next time I’ll send out the info beforehand so lots of folks can join us for it. Since it was my first time I didn’t know if an “artist reception” was just for the artists or what. Now, I know how it works and would love to have more people come to the next one. For now if you are interested in seeing my work (and a lot of other cool artists’ work, including Philip Cohen’s awesome Portsmouth photos) you can stop by 100 Market St in Portsmouth, New Hampshire from now through the end of October. If you like a piece drop me an email and it’s yours.

Right now I feel so incredibly blessed with opportunity and surrounded by people that love me. All three kids opted to come over and they gave me a fortune cookie. My very own, filled with love.

It’s truly all, Something Beautiful.

Peace,

Kelly Halldorson

Dinner for Schmucks, promo photo

I did put a mask on for about five minute but found it too itchy and thought it was hard to breathe. Griffin helped me (no sweeping just carrying boxes upstairs and outside) but thankfully only for a very short time.

Last night I was coughing and coughing and coughing. I did not feel myself at all. I started getting a little nervous and looked up exposure to mouse droppings. And guess what came up. It’s dangerous and there is nothing you can do but wait and see. I haven’t had any kind of flu-like symptoms but I’m sore as hell and my chest has been heavy since yesterday. I feel like a freakin’ idiot.

I am a cautious person. It’s not like I’m some kind of throw caution to the wind person. I may appear that way but I usually have thought and thought and analyzed the risks and benefits of whatever it is I’m doing. That goes doubly so when it comes to health and physical risk. I’m cautious. I’m also not one to freak out at the slightest boo boo. Generally, I downplay symptoms and physical problems…when it comes to myself even more so but this time I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was at least a little worried.

If you EVER have to clean a garage, basement, whatever, with mouse poop, please take precautions and bleach it and wear a mask. Don’t assume you’ll be fine. You might be but why risk it? At a minimum you’ll save yourself the stress of wondering whether you will be.

And…in a very amusing and surreal twist…Jeff and I decided to take the kids to a movie for a break from the work. We picked Dinner for Schmucks. We chose the movie because it was a comedy (we needed some laughs) and it stars Paul Rudd and Steve Carell. That is ALL we knew about the movie, never saw a preview.

You could imagine my surprise when we made when the opening scene featured a man creating art pieces with taxidermies of mice.

The movie is about a man, who wants to impress his girlfriend and get a promotion at work. He gets an invite to an exclusive dinner with the bosses. The participants are supposed to invite an idiot. I’ve been feeling like an idiot myself since last night. The the idiot he chooses makes art with dead mice. The movie was hilarious but it was one of those odd coincidences that made me feel like I was in the middle of some surreal dream.

Why did we pick that movie? We rarely go to see a comedy in the theater. We usually reserve the theater for special effects and/or action drama, comedies are watched at home on the couch.

I guess I’m the idiot with the dead mice but at least I got to laugh with my family tonight and even though I’m concerned, I’ll likely be just fine.

Peace,

Kelly

Sometimes it feels like we are going nowhere, like nobody is ever going to pick up our book or we are never going to be able to get our bus and get on the road. We might not all feel that way. We might not all feel like that. But we all feel it sometimes.

A couple of weeks ago I messaged a woman, Jeanné McCartin who writes a gossip column for a local paper, about our book, Skeletons Don’t Sleep. I was hoping to get a little press for the book. Instead what happened is the woman replied to my inquiry with, Funny, I was going to contact you about some of your photos for an exhibit at 100 Market. Great stuff.

Cool!

As a result I have my very first gallery showing later this month. I’m pretty excited about it.

Some other really wonderful things seem to be blooming in my life. My blog seems to be exploding with activity. People are reading! Readership grows between 25-50% every month since I started writing again. Last month I had over 1450 unique visitors. I think that’s pretty freakin’ cool. In the past couple of days I was asked to be a contributor for a news site put together by women, a request to write an article for a magazine and an offer to participate in a conference next year (no, not speaking…I suck at speaking).

I’ve lined a few things up for myself too that hopefully will come to fruition over the next few months. I’ll fill you in more as those little pieces start to blossom.

In the meantime Jeff, the kids and I are finishing up the work here in Albany (we are helping a family move and get their house market ready) and are heading home for the weekend. On this trip home we hope to reserve our bus.

With a little luck you’ll be seeing us driving around the country talking to families about education and freedom in no time!

Even though sometimes we feel like we are going nowhere all we need to do is look around and experience our present. If we can do that the whole world of potential and opportunity opens up to us and we can more clearly see exactly where it is we are going.

Thank-you so much for taking time out of your life to read my little blog.

Peace,

Kelly Halldorson

Times Square

Not every victim of child sexual assault can hold up a sign in Times Square. Not every victim of sexual assault is comfortable talking about it or getting help. That is one of the many reasons Jeff and I have decided to give our book, Skeletons Don’t Sleep, away free (in digital format) to any and all survivors of child sexual assault. Are you a victim? Would you like a copy? Email Us: skeletons@halldorson.com

We have already given away over 100 copies. We want that number in the 1000’s. We want this book in the hands of every single survivor that needs it.

Want to know a little bit more about the project?

I wrote Skeletons with my husband Jeff. It’s the true account of his childhood sexual assault, our relationship, his father’s arrest through incarceration and the aftermath. The videos tell the story and the quotes are from people who’ve emailed us. It all helps remind us that giving away the book for free is the right thing to do, despite our personal financial struggles.

I am a member of a facebook group called “Stop Child Abuse”. Yesterday as I was looking at the the fan wall and I saw you video “Man With A Sign”. First off: Jeff, you are a very brave man. I, myself, being a child that was sexually abused can understand completely. You are an inspiration to me.

Dear Jeff and Kelly
I received your book. And I could not stop reading it. I read it all and it took me till 3 am.

I am writing from facebook, i would greatly appreciate a free copy of your book. I was abused as a child by a family member. I priced your book to purchase and at this time I can not afford to buy it, I am out of work on medical, just had my 4th cervical spine surgery in feb and suffer chronic pain, so i am limited with income at this point. I am very interested in your book to help me and others.

I just finished the book. I’ve spent much of the past day and a half reading it… obsessively…

I’ve just spent the evening sat in front of my computer in London, reading this from start to finish. Both of you are amazingly inspiring! Thank you so much for sending me a copy of your story.

Kelly: You are a wonderful and powerful woman. You are truly an inspiration as well.

Thank you for this gift and your voice in our world of many who would like to ignore this devastation and turn a blind eye. You are courageous!

If you are a survivor and you want a free digital copy of our book please contact us at skeletons@halldorson.com or on facebook.

Not a survivor but you want to support our efforts? You can buy a copy of Skeletons Don’t Sleep or you can donate to help fund our buy a PRINT book for our survivor program by emailing us at skeletons@halldorson.com.

If you are looking for a little positive, uplifting support/inspiration consider subscribing. We are going to give away a free (print) personalized signed copy to one of my blog subscribers at the end of the summer.

Jeff and I are also available for readings, speaking and discussions. For more information drop us an email at skeletons@halldorson.com.

We woke up pretty early because we had to get the plastic on the high tunnel greenhouse we (mostly Jeff) are building before heading to New Castle later in the day so I could take some photos for a Le Leche League brochure.

The temperature was warm but not hot and crisp but not cold. There was no wind. It could not have been more perfect weather to put the plastic on this greenhouse. The plastic came in a gigantic roll that weigh close to 100 lbs, if not more. Jeff had to first get it up to the top and then balance on the spine of the greenhouse as he unrolled it across 72 feet. Once it was unrolled the length of the green house he unfolded the sides and secured them down. We all had to help a little but Jeff really did all the hard work. It was no easy feet, especially seeing as our 80+ year old landlord came down on his tractor to watch. It was pretty nerve-racking but Jeff managed.

High Tunnel Greenhouse, if you need one of these put up anywhere in the US…contact us

While he battened down the sides Zoe and I did a little exploring in the yard. I chased a butterfly got a couple shots and Zoe found a great little green guy, missing a leg.

This may be a Red Spotted Purple. If you know otherwise please let me know and I’ll edit.

this would be Zoe’s find, a young Praying Mantis

It was supposed to start pouring around noon. Thankfully the rain kept away and Jeff was able to work on the greenhouse until I had to leave at 2:00 and head to the ocean. I had plans for a photo shoot. So, he was able to come with us! We stopped at Starbucks on the was for some cool drinks because it had gotten pretty hot at the farm toward the end of our time there.

It was  gorgeous at the beach, not too hot and not too cold. Complete with a cool salty breeze and breathtaking sky.

the sky in New Castle, New Hampshire

I started taking some shots of the kids. Jeff was sweet and played dad in a few of the shots. The theme for the Le Leche League conference I was shooting the promo shots for is, family…building strong families. I haven’t finished going through all the shots yet but while I was there I also tried to get shot of the individual families and/or moms with babies so they could have some pictures for themselves. Here are a few of those.

I have a ton more. I think I took nearly 200 photos. Not all are winners but certainly there should be a good amount to pick from for the conference promo shots. I’m satisfied with the shoot though I always wish I had taken just a few more shots!

It was also was an interesting photo shoot because it was the first time I’ve ever done a “photo shoot” without an SLR. That’s right, for these pictures and all the picture on this entry I used my Canon Digital Elph cameras. I have two.

Canon Digital Elph SD 960 IS

When Jeff, the kids and I were leaving there was another photographer setting up on the beach. He had a flash on a stand, a big family all dressed alike and a huge camera and lens. While I’m not opposed to big set-ups, I’m absolutely positive now that they are not *necessary* and like with many things in life we can often get by with much less than we think and still have a life filled with beauty.

We ordered pizza and picked it up on the way home. We also stopped at the grocery store and Jeff went in to grab a few things, including my new favorite…Truly Yours Bars by Tofutti. While Jeff was in the store the kids and I witnessed what had to have been the closest lightning strike I’ve ever experienced. I saw the actual line in my rear view mirror and while things were still lit up there was an immense BOOM.  It rattled everyone. Jeff said inside the store the lights flickered and people got nervous. He thought the building was struck. The kids thought the car was struck. I think it was just the ground behind the car and right in front of the store.

By the time we got home the storm had well passed over us. It was nearing sunset. I was sitting in the bedroom and suddenly saw the light from outside turn orange. I didn’t get up to look because I figured it was just a cloud passing in front of the sun or something. Then I heard Jeff yell for me to come take a look at something and Griffin shout, WOW! Oh my God!

I jumped up all freaked out but thought enough to grab my camera because generally that’s why people yell for me to come look at stuff these days.

We all walked out onto the front porch and everything and I mean everything was orange. It was as though we were walking into a sunset. It was still and silent and looked as though (one of my facebook friends described it) everything was in sepia. Almost as though you were part of some old silent film with the exception of our own voices. I took a few pictures but they really don’t do the experience justice. It was strangely creepy.

Overall a great day filled with lots of imagery, cool new people, bugs, learning, connections, happiness, ocean, sun, building and so much more. Thanks for letting me share a little taste with you.

Peace,

Kelly

Gorgone Checkerspot, Butterfly

If you asked me even as little as three years ago what the difference between a butterfly and a moth I probably would have said, I don’t know. Butterflies are pretty. Moths are icky?

The last couple of years I’ve warmed up a bit. I’ve always kind of liked butterflies but still wasn’t overly thrilled about touching them. My grandfather loved them. He passed away in March. This video is from a visit with him last fall.

His enthusiasm for the little critters along with my Something Beautiful project helped to broaden my comfort level a bit. Not long after his passing I got a bit obsessed with bugs in general. A recent visit to the Butterfly Place and now I’m especially loving the butterflies and the MOTHS! Oh, the moths. They are elusive little buggers.

Today we were at the farm and there were all kinds of little orange butterflies flying around. There have been tons lately but today they were dancing in the air in sets of two, playful and seemingly joyful. It had me wondering if they all just mate on one day. It was that crazy cool.

Mating Gorgone Checkerspot taken in Strafford, NH

Anyway as I was snapping away Bea, our landlord’s partner, came out. She’s in her 80’s. I told her I was totally loving all these beautiful little love-bird butterflies fluttering around. She responded, I don’t think they are butterflies. I think they are moths and I’m not so sure they are good. I read they lay the pesky critter eggs.

With Griffin standing by my side I said, I’m pretty sure they are butterflies. Moths fly at night. That was the one thing I remembered from our visit to the Butterfly Place. I knew there was something about the body too, moths being fatter but it’s not enough for me to notice. BUT one being nocturnal and the other being diurnal, that’s easy to remember.

Griffin piped up, That’s definitely a butterfly. It has skinny antenna and it’s body is thinner. And there are some other things too. It’s a butterfly.

Bea wasn’t convinced, Are you sure? I thought because it’s wings made a tent when it landed that meant it was a moth.

I promised to come back not only with a 100% surety on the moth vs butterfly debate but also I’d be able to tell her what KIND of a butterfly it was. Excited that Griffin seemed to know so much more than me on the topic I asked him to explain the differences to me and asked if he’d gotten that from our visit to the Butterfly Place.

No, well some, I watched a video there but also I just sort have picked it up along the way. Here and there. Kind of all over. Books and stuff too.

It turns out the little cute orange butterflies (the ones pictured above) are American Coppers. They are about an inch with their wings open. And there were literally at least 100 flying around everywhere. It was like orange confetti flew up in the air every time you took a step.

Without further ado I give you some ways to identify a MOTH vs. BUTTERFLY  (with photos) obviously like with everything there may be exceptions

MOTHS

• Fly at NIGHT. They are nocturnal.
• They have FUZZY or pointed antenna
• Chunky FUZZY bodies
• Wings lay flat down onto body
• some moths have pinchers

Atlas Moth taken at the Butterfly Place, see the FUZZY antenna

still working on the name of this guy (will update), check out the thick fuzzy body

Tiger Moth taken in Strafford, NH - found at night, notice how the wings lay and pointy antenna

BUTTERFLIES

• Fly during the day.
• Wings generally rest in upright position
• The bodies are thinner, though I can’t really tell all the time. They look very similar to me.
• antenna are clubbed or straight
• butterflies have straw like tongue
• usually brighter in color

more of those Gorgone Checkerspot, notice the antenna

upright wings, bright color and straw tongue

straw tongue, thin body and upright wings

Well, I hope that helps. I’ll probably update this post a bit so it might be one you want to revisit. I might add some more photos and/or names descriptions. Oh, and Bea thanked us for letting her know what exactly those orange cuties were.

As I was writing this Griffin caught me what we think is a hummingbird moth. I’ll post some photos in the morning. These creatures are fantastic!

Peace,

Kelly

NOTE: It’s funny. It would seem Griffin and I were right about them being butterflies but after a little more information. I think they are actually, Gorgone Checkerspot, NOT American Coppers.

Okay. I started writing a blog entry this morning about sibling rivalry, because it seems to be a big deal around here the last couple of days. It’s mostly in the car on longer trips, like to the CNHT picnic and to my parents yesterday. But it was also about the seating arrangement in my parents car when we he headed to the beach. So, I started a blog entry about how we deal with it. What works, what doesn’t and when nothing works. I wrote a little then I went up to the greenhouse to see how Jeff was doing.

All was fine there. Jeff was doing a magnificent job building, as usual. I chatted with him. I got some water. I took a few photos. Then I went over to the raspberry bushes to pick some raspberries.

The rain the we’ve had the last two days did wonders for the crop. There were more raspberries than I think our whole family could eat in a week. I started picking and eating away. I called Jeff over to see. He picked for a little bit.

Zoe and Griffin rode their bikes over from the house and started picking along side us. We were talking about how many berries there were and Zoe commented she’d like a container. Jeff went and found her one then headed back over to work on the greenhouse.

After Zoe had about two inches of the container filled she announced she was going to fill up the container for Wolfgang. She wanted wasn’t going to eat any while she picked. She wanted to give him the 32 oz container of organic raspberries and say to him, These are ALL yours enjoy them. You don’t have to share any of them.

I hadn’t mentioned a thing about their fighting this morning but apparently Zoe and I had been thinking about the same thing. How to get keep everyone getting along. I told her I thought it was very thoughtful of her and offered to help her fill up the rest of the container.

She did it. She filled the container. We drove back to the house and she gave Wolfgang the raspberries. He woke up, hopefully, feeling loved and grateful. He smiled, ate some of the berries and bathed.

Despite our living situation, the no power, the no running water, the cramped quarters, the heat, all the negative crap it’s neat to see my kids recognize for themselves the real abundance that surrounds them. We have unlimited organic raspberries to eat whenever. We have each other.

Just as the rain strengthens the bush and gives birth to new, mouth watering, juicy, deep red, delicious raspberries our struggles strengthen our family and give birth to new days, new experiences, connections, love, understanding and happiness.

Peace,

Kelly

About a week and a half ago I got an email message on one of my email lists about PJ O’Rourke speaking locally, specifically at the CNHT Picnic. I know Jane, the organizer, from the Ron Paul 2008 campaign. Wolfgang is a pretty big fan of PJ and so am I. Wolf is also very interested in being on camera, doing video work and even acting. We’ve actually been talking about (& semi-working on) putting together a kid’s liberty focused web show that we could submit to Reason Tv.  So, it occurred to me that Wolfgang might not only want to meet him but maybe he’d like to interview him.

I asked Wolfgang stressing that it might not be possible but if it was, would he be interested.

He said, REALLY? Yes!

I sent Jane an email asking if it would be okay if Wolf, 15 years old, interviewed PJ when he was here. She replied, absolutely.

Yesterday Jeff and I were down then as the week ended I checked on how much this was going to cost. With the kids, Jeff and I the cost was going to be $60 plus the cost of gas to drive up to Hillsborough an hour and a half away. There was no way we could swing that. SO, I dropped Jane another note. I asked if there was any way we could get a discount and that we would be more than willing to help out with anything that needed doing. She was gracious enough to give us her extra ticket and let the kids in for free. All we had to pay was $15.

On the way up this morning we all chatted about what questions Wolf was going to ask. He jotted them down on his iTouch.

When we got there this morning we helped out with the table set-up and then headed into the kitchen. Jeff cooked. Wolfgang cooked. Griffin prepped veggies, breads and salads. I helped fill up the cold trays with potato salad and cleaned the recyclables. Zoe worked in the kitchen too.

A little later I set up my computer to unload the video footage I had already taken and who walks by but PJ O’Rourke. With Wolf standing next to me I introduced myself and asked if my son Wolfgang could do a short interview with him. He happily agreed while poking fun, That’s your son? Pointing at Wolfgang. What were you a child bride?

Mr. O’Rourke thought right then would be the perfect opportunity. We looked around for a semi-quiet spot and headed over. He was patient, kind and just plain damn cool. He answered every one of Wolf’s questions, which included questions about homeschooling, libertarianism, the oil spill, Ron Paul and PJ’s new book, Driving Like Crazy (of which he told Wolf NOT to read but said he should go ahead and buy it, just don’t read it for at least 15 years).

After the interview Wolfgang went and set up the video camera in front of the podium. We planned on videoing PJ speaking to the crowd.

Meanwhile Jeff was still working hard/hot in the kitchen and the other two kiddos were serving up food for the guests.

It was once again a great day and a fantastic example of what unschooling looks like in our home, facilitating interests and maximizing opportunity despite whatever struggles we may be having.

We went thinking…maybe…we might possibly….if everything went well…get to interview PJ O’Rourke. At a minimum we would get to hear him speak. What we got instead was we met a charming guy who was willing to give a 15 year old 15 minutes of his time, on camera! The kids got to work in a commercial kitchen, which Griffin told us repeatedly that he was loving it and having so much fun. He said if he had to do it every day he probably wouldn’t enjoy it though.

Wolfgang’s two favorite PJ quotes:

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

My favorite:

America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased

We shared. We laughed. We smiled. We learned.

Peace,

Kelly

4. Choices

• unschooling: Children are free to make their own choices, so long as they are not hurting another individual.
• libertarian philosophy: Adults are free to make their own choices, as long as they are not infringing on another’s rights.

Peace,

Kelly

Photo by: Wolfgang Halldorson, Model: Zoe Halldorson

Just a quick rundown of our really cool day.

I wake up. Jeff heats up my water for my shower. Zoe and Griffin are up. I take the moths out of the freezer that I caught last night so I can take some photos outside. Both moths are still alive and well and I get some pretty good shots!

I look up info on one of them and find it’s a Tiger Moth and it starts as a woolly bear caterpillar. It’s too cool. Woolly Bear Caterpillars are my favorite and this Tiger Moth is too! While searching I find an awesome website: What’s That Bug?

The kids catch me a butterfly and another caterpillar. I get good shots of both. All before 10:00 am.

I bathe. The kids bathe. We bring Wolfgang and Zoe to a job. Zoe is mother’s helper and Wolfgang is doing some yard work. Jeff and I take Griffin to Portsmouth to get his tooth fixed. It’s early so we stop at Starbucks. Who stops in but Tom Bergeron. Griffin asks him if he minds getting a photo with him.

We go to get the tooth fixed. It doesn’t go as we’d been told so there was a bit of a bump there. Griffin needs a root canal so they started that. He has to go back in 6 weeks. He was supposed to get the tooth built up but since it was hurting him they wouldn’t do it but instead started a root canal. I’m a little grumpy about all that but…it will work out.

Stop at Walmart so Griffin can look around. On the way out there were some young, hungry travelers looking for food. We stop and take their picture and give them some water and five dollars.  That felt good.

We pick up Zoe and Wolfgang then went to go check out an old school bus for sale in Rochester. It was really cool and blue.

We go do the laundry in Dover. The kids ask if they can walk around with my camera. They come back with lots of pictures and video. My favorite is at the top of the page.

After we finish the laundry Jeff and I take a walk and the kids go walk around on their own and video/interview people about libertarianism. We end up at La Festa and meet up with the Liberty Meet-up group. We meet Chris Sununu (his father used to sign your money…don’t believe me go pull out an older bill) and get to ask him lots of questions about his run for Executive Council. Apparently his wife is a Libertarian…if only we could give him a little reason.

We leave La Festa and head home. I make scrambled eggs (local NOT factory farmed) for all while Jeff, Zoe and Griffin get water for tomorrow. Wolfgang takes care of the dogs and goes online. Zoe heads to bed early. I go in the room and work on the computer while Jeff snoozes next to me. Griffin builds things with his legos and Wolfgang is busy making music on his computer, still.

And as of conversations and learning today, some of the topics included…libertarianism, war, troops, peace, ideas for peace, girlfriends, relationships, moths, butterflies, stars, dancing with the stars, laughter, funny pictures, PJ O’Rourke, video interview questions, what makes a good web video, music, software, dogs, what kind of animals are around the house, how to get the water running faster, greenhouses, government, environmental programs, social programs, bodies of water, foreign policy, republican, democrat, governor’s council, elected offices, districts, distribution of powers, state vs. federal, drug war, drugs, troubled people, compassion, family, traveling, school buses, places to go, where to visit, when to leave, what to do on the road, life, purpose, goals, family, choices, reason, working, babysitting, mother’s helper, gardening, weeding, painting, inspiration, little kids, babies, breastfeeding, …and that is only one tiny tiny little piece of it.

Damn, I feel lucky.

Peace,

Kelly

I thought I’d put some of these shots together in one place. If you know what some of them are please let me know. I’ll probably come back to this post and add more as I find them…and add info too…

Found in our yard. Strafford, NH

Found in our yard. Strafford, NH

Found in our yard. Strafford, NH

Found on the house by the light at night. Strafford, NH

Tiger Moth. Found on the house by the light at night. Strafford, NH

Like many others we are struggling financially. Actually struggling doesn’t even begin to cut it.

Two years ago we were struggling but we had a nice Victorian home we rented. All the kids had there own room.  We had a nice vehicle, a Suburban without problems. We had lots of books and were walking distance to the public pool and downtown.

Today we have very little in the way of things. Very little. We live in a rundown trailer. We had to divide the back room into two separate rooms, one for the boys and one for Zoe. The rooms barely fit their beds. Most of our things got damaged in the move. Wolfgang quit playing hockey (for a team), in part, it was just too expensive.

About a week and a half ago, our electricity was shut off. That’s right, we have no power. We need way more money than we have to turn it back on. Part of what we owe is leftover from that Victorian we rented in Dover. I didn’t shut the electricity off to it when we left so what we owe includes a number of months we were not living there. It’s not something I’m upset about, at least not in the way of being resentful. I owe the money. We owe the money. And I don’t mind paying even for the time we weren’t living there because I feel we left abruptly and even wish we could do more for the landlord. They were great people we were caught just up with what was going on with us. I want to pay it.

We also have medical bills, student loans, even some tax stuff we have to sort out (although, I don’t believe we’ll end up owing anything there). We were weren’t/aren’t big on credit cards so it’s not like we have a lot of that kind of debt. It’s just life stuff. If we ever had something big to buy like a computer or whatever we’d just put the money aside and buy it outright. We didn’t do credit.

Neither Jeff or I have been working for a year and a half. Not working at a job, anyway. It’s not that we haven’t been working really. It’s that we have shifted completely the way we do things. Jeff used to go out and work and work and work at big construction jobs (which with the economy there really aren’t any now even if that’s what we wanted). He lived a life separate from us. And we lived a life separate from him. He was never home and my life with the kids had started to run parallel to his. It wasn’t good for any of us.

Today we focus on living a life that inspires us and our children. We focus on our life with the kids and our relationships with them and each other. We work toward reducing suffering through vegetarianism, we volunteer, we advocate for sexual assault victims (and have written a published a book all in the last year) and do our best to give positively to the world and the people around us. This has become our priority, our full-time job. What living this life entails is more work than anything we’ve done before, but with it comes more joy, love and connection.

We don’t take advantage of government programs like welfare, food stamps, public schools etc. because we feel it’s a violation of our core principles. We are not opposed to charity, in fact, we had a fundraiser to help publish our book and I just added a donate button to this very page.  It’s just if we are to take advantage of any generosity we want to know for sure it was freely given.

Presently our biggest efforts are finding ways to earn income to feed, house and clothe ourselves and our children in a way that is conducive to our family living.  But as with most new ventures there is a building period and in many ways it’s as though we are starting from scratch. I’m confident that our book, my photography, this blog, our Homeschool webshow and Jeff’s illustration work, our children’s book projects, my video work etc. will evolve to a point where we are not only financially stable but we have paid back all our debts and can give financially to causes that matter to us.  We just are not there *yet* — keep watching us and you’ll see we’ll make it!

How are we getting  by now?

We barter with our landlord for rent, right now we are building a greenhouse for him. A commercial sized greenhouse. We’ve sold a lot of our stuff, including most of Jeff’s larger tools. We share a cell phone. It’s a Boost Mobile phone that costs only $50/mo for unlimited use. We have another pay as you go phone around for when the kids need one but we probably put $10/mo on it…if that. We had to give our Suburban back to the bank last year. To get around we borrowed a couple of vehicles from friends and in January we bought a little Subaru for $500. It’s beat up but it runs and gets us to our groups and little jobs and it uses next to nothing in gas. We don’t pay for internet. We’ve found some WiFi spots around where we live and/or we go to Barnes and Noble or Starbucks (currently I’m sitting in Starbucks).

The loss of our electricity has been a gift in many ways. Laugh…but it has. It’s brought us even closer and shown us just how much we can actually deal with and still be happy. Really, truly happy.

Our goal as a family is to get out on the road. To travel around and meet other homeschooling/unschooling families. Last December we traded Jeff’s 1971 Harley Sporster for an RV. We took it on a couple of trips but now it needs a transmission. And we’ve been looking at school buses. We’d like to pick one up and convert it into a living space then travel around and meet, interview and video other families. Families that unschool. Families that public school. Families that homeschool. Families that private school. Families. Lots of Families.

The kids have been living with less than they are used to materially for the last year and a half. However they are living with MORE than they are used to freedom wise over the last year and a half. Because we’ve shifted to whole life unschooling. Our kids are free to make choices for themselves. They can choose when to get up, when to go to bed, when to read a book, when to build something, when to create, when to use play video games, when to play outside and so much more.

Some people might look at us and see neglectful parents, parents with kids that don’t have a lot of rules and don’t even have electricity…but those people would be so far from reality. Jeff and I have *never* been more attentive to the needs of our children than we have been this past year. We talk with them constantly about what their individual interests and goals are. We are WITH them nearly all the time. We bring them on adventures. We introduce them to more families and children who may or may not live how we do. We talk with them but more importantly we listen to them. We answer questions. We discuss. We find resources for their interests. Which include music, building, friends, technology, welding, boating, animals…and more of course…there is always more.

As a result we have children that write things like this. Kids that don’t complain about taking a bath with buckets of water (without electricity we have no running water). Kids that help lug the five gallon buckets of water from the greenhouse across the street every day. Kids that are actually excited about figuring out how to design a system of running/hot water that we’ll be able to transfer into an RV/Bus once we get one for the road. Kids that are just truly amazing.

When I hear people complaining about things like their AC going out, or their husband not taking out the trash I almost don’t know what to think. I’m living with no electricity. Actually, we do have a generator that we run for a few hours a day.  No running water (though we think we have that figured out so we should have it in the next couple of days). Our vehicle has not AC. We are mostly broke. We owe a lot of money.

Not to mention all the that is going on in the world at large…war, the oil spill…sigh…so much…

If you look at all the things we have against us it sounds like we have a miserable life. Then you look again and you see…

A husband and wife who have made it through infidelity, financial problems and much more. A couple who in the course of a year’s time have written and published a book that has moved and inspired literally hundreds of people all over the world.

A man who has decided to change his life for the better. A man who isn’t hiding from his past and is willing to put himself (and his skeletons) out for the world to see. A man who is dedicating his life to being a better husband and father. A man who is learning to be more compassionate and patient.

A woman that likes to take pictures and writes writes writes…with the aim of inspiring others in a peaceful way.

Three kids that I could write pages and pages about how great they are.

No, NONE of us are perfect. But we ARE happy. We ARE loving. We ARE compassionate. We ARE inspired. And we LOVE to learn.

Five people that love each other. Kids that love to learn and parents that are engaged and resourceful in finding ways to facilitate that learning. Whether it’s finding opportunities for the kids to earn money so they can buy things like iPods or a netbook or taking them on adventures to meet new people and have new experiences. A family that doesn’t just talk about their days but actually experience their days together. Kids that are allowed to be exactly who they are.

A family that chooses to live life by their own rules.

Creating love in these hard times is easy. You just have to choose to do it. Choose to see it. Choose to learn it. Choose to LIVE it.

Peace,

Kelly

On June 24th we visited the Maple Farm Sanctuary, here is what our friend Mimi (from O2 Yoga Studios) had to say about the visit…followed by some photos I took at the sanctuary. I am putting together a full 20 minute Homeschool Gone Child episode of our adventure too.

I was the first of what we hope to be many trips down to help.

Two teasers for upcoming Homeschool Gone Child episodes…

and…

want to see more?

SIGN UP, it’s free and the link is right on the side there ====>>

Peace,
Kelly

I just stumbled across this comic. It was posted on a friend’s facebook page. I had just been contemplating writing a blog entry about libertarianism (purposely with a lowercase “l”) and women, or really the lack of women prominent women. Even this silly cartoon only has one woman and she’s the “arrogant” one. Grr.

Sure, you’re probably saying the modern day movement was all but founded by Ayn Rand and her Objectivist philosophy. Whatever…that was *one* women.

If you look at the Ron Paul movement…

Remember the Campaign for Liberty convention in St. Paul? The only women on stage there was the beautiful face, Aimee Allen. Not talking but singing…her (very cool) Ron Paul Revolution anthem.

Look at the Keynote speaker lineup for Freedom Fest 2010. Sixteen Keynote speakers, not a single woman.

The Reason Cruise only five announced speakers, all men.

The Cato Institute on the list of *experts* — is that two women’s names I see?

There are more examples but you get the point. Women step up. Men start listening. Sound good?

Oh wait I almost forgot, there are a few women in the movement….

Ron Paul Girl - Click here for the most popular videos

and the calendar girls…

I know there are tons of ladies of liberty out there. I wish the pool was a bit more diverse. I wish people (men) would listen not just to the pretty ones with no clothes on or the well-connected academics but also acknowledge the everyday, freedom-loving, family types.

Peace,
Kelly

Today we spent the day at our friends the Carpenter’s home. Jeff helped Steve and some friends sand down Cicada his family’s wooden sail boat he has been rebuilding for the last year.

The kids hung out with the Carpenter boys and I worked on the new blog design, took photos, caught frogs, chased chickens and talked with the kids. It was great day. One of those days that remind you how wonderful it is to have really great friends.

Here are a few shots from the day…

Don’t worry he’s alive ….

Peace,
Kelly

I was at one of your homeschool groups and I was talking to a friend about high school classes and the day before I was talking with another friend about required reading in school. And it got me thinking about my personal experience with school and required work. Last night in bed I remembered something kind of amusing.

I always did extra credit. Always. I remember on at least two occasions turning in tests with ONLY the extra credit questions done but nothing else. It makes me laugh a little…and it makes me sad a little.

Not everything had to be my idea but it always had to be my choice.

If there was a book, a movie, a question, that I could do (or not do) as a bonus…I’d go out of my way to. In some cases even when it wasn’t something I would normally do or even have interest in. I did this in class to. I never read a required book. Never my entire time in high school (I did read one in JR High) but one thing I always did was participate in the discussions about the books.

This start of a poem called *runaway* is literally ALL I remember from my freshman English class. It was an extra credit assignment. I hate poetry. Alright, I don’t hate it (I love Silverstein, Suess & Poe) but it’s generally not my thing. But when the teacher offered up an opportunity to bring a poem to our final (or maybe it was the mid-year exam) for extra credit…I jumped at the opportunity.

I left it on his desk the last class before the test and never even showed for the exam.

you’re all alone
no place left to run
the damage you’ve caused
can’t be undone

the reason you left
you no longer know

I can’t remember the rest but considering I wrote it about 23 years ago and wasn’t all that impressed with it even then, demonstrates something powerful. Having the freedom *to do* or *not do* something is a wonderful thing.

I stumbled across a quote today…

Twelve significant photographs in any one year is a good crop. -Ansel Adams

All I could think was really? Twelve!? Sure he worked with only film but surely he could get more out of the world than that? I guess anything beyond my first dozen significant shots this year I should consider a gift…

I decided to check out some of his other quotes. I’m posting a few here along with some other shots I took today and yesterday.

When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence. -Ansel Adams

These people live again in print as intensely as when their images were captured on old dry plates of sixty years ago… I am walking in their alleys, standing in their rooms and sheds and workshops, looking in and out of their windows. Any they in turn seem to be aware of me. -Ansel Adams

We must remember that a photograph can hold just as much as we put into it, and no one has ever approached the full possibilities of the medium. -Ansel Adams

To photograph truthfully and effectively is to see beneath the surfaces and record the qualities of nature and humanity which live or are latent in all things. -Ansel Adams

In wisdom gathered over time I have found that every experience is a form of exploration. -Ansel Adams

No man has the right to dictate what other men should perceive, create or produce, but all should be encouraged to reveal themselves, their perceptions and emotions, and to build confidence in the creative spirit. -Ansel Adams

Do you know any good photography quotes? What photographers do you admire?

Peace,
Kelly

Are you looking for a little more color in your photos?

This is absolutely one of the simplest ways…GET UP CLOSE to something colorful. All the photos on this entry were taken in the last couple of weeks and they are all taken straight from the camera, meaning I used the camera settings to get the colors/lighting/focus etc I was looking for instead of doing it afterwards with cropping and color enhancements.

The yellow shot above is a lily flower, despite being surrounded by mucky water and pond scum the color up close is really remarkable. Sometimes it takes a little effort and patience when shooting close-up shots. With the lily I had to find a way to actually get to it and not be knee deep in that aforementioned pond scum.

And don’t be afraid of bugs! They are beautiful…they are colorful and they give added character to flower shots.

If you get up right inside the flowers you’ll find it even more colorful and fascinating to look at. The deep floral shots remind me of the works of Georgia O’Keefe and my recent appreciation for her work with flowers.

Another great thing about shooting bugs…we have LOTS of dragonflies on our pond. All sorts of different flavors. They are stunning. Recently we went to a homeschool group near a small waterway. There were a gazillion dragonflies there as well and they were all different than the varieties we have on our pond. The group was less than ten miles from the house so it was especially remarkable to me how many different types of dragonflies there really are. (I actually think I’ll be doing a blog entry on that soon).

Dragonflies are really hard to photograph with the little digital Elph. The shots come out great when you get them but they are so fast it’s hard to actually capture them. It’s best to just sit in one place and wait for them to come to you. That’s what I did with this shot.

When you look closely at something through a lens even the most mundane things can become inspiring and beautiful…like this clover and this dead dandelion with the bright blue sky behind it.

And with your camera settings set to MACRO (something I’ve done for every one of these shots) you are sure to get some spectacular depth of field effects. Check out this shot of Jeff holding the dragonfly by it’s wings even his fingers provide added intense color.

I’ll warn you though. You’ve GOT to get close. If you have a bigger SLR you can use a zoom lens and get the shot but with the digital Elph and other similar point and shoot type cameras I find it’s best to just use the macro feature and get really really really close. I’m talking less than a centimeter in some cases. I’ve even been known to bump the camera right up against the subject.

Get out there and get up close. Post your photos online somewhere and post some links to your work below…I’d really love to see and hear other folks ideas…and here some experiences.

Peace & Thanks for taking the time to read,
Kelly

I’m one of those people that don’t get poison ivy. I have never been able to consistently recognize it either. I’ve tried. Especially over the last few years because my kids get it, at least two of them. Wolfgang appears to be immune like me. Zoe and Griffin get it every year and now that we live in the woods…let’s just say last year Griffin had poison ivy from May until October…poor kid it sucked.

And you know what? Griffin is the one out of all of us who is *best* at recognizing it. He can not only point it out but he can describe it to a tee, as well as tell us all the areas in the yard and the neighborhood where it grows. Zoe’s knowledge on the subject of poison ivy is just about the same.

Wolfgang and I not a clue really. Sure if it right there and there is nothing else sometimes I notice it. I remember all the things people say like leaves of three and something about it being shiny. But I just can’t seem to *see* it.

My first encounter with poison ivy was at camp as a kid. I went to a local public day camp here in New Hampshire called Camp Sun and Fun. One afternoon we were hiking. I was at the back of the line, a straggler. One of the counselors noticed me and stopped the group, to yell at me. The tongue lashing involved me being lazy and needing to keep up and on top of it I was stupid and not paying attention and walked right through poison ivy.

It’s funny really, the memory is so vivid because he walked right over to me and stood pointing at all the poison ivy and yelled, “See! Look at all the poison ivy! You need to stay on the path and follow us! You are going to be covered! What’s wrong with you?” I saw him pointing but to me what he was pointing at looked just like what *he* was standing in. It look to me…just like the rest of the ground in the woods.

Needless to say I didn’t break out and I still look at the leaves on the ground near clueless.

Jeff is somewhere in between. I remember years ago when he could recognize poison ivy anywhere and describe it well. And he still can if there is a lot of it. He is allergic but not nearly as much as he used to be. He has stories of getting it in his bloodstream as a kid and going to the hospital to get shots of steroids. Now he’ll get a quarter-sized spot here or there but nothing huge.

He was standing with me when I took this photo. It’s the ground right by the road. We have all seen poison ivy here before…but I can’t see any now. But I already told you I can’t really see it anyway…so I wonder can you? Is there poison ivy in the photo?

Can you recognize poison ivy in the real world?

My thoughts on the whole thing are this… It’s not important enough to my survival, my body and not really interesting enough to my mind (other than the question of why I can’t retain the info) for me to remember or understand what it looks like. It’s hugely important to Griffin and Zoe so they know exactly what it is. Both of them also have the added sense of what it *feels* like so if they brush against it their bodies know *hey that’s poison ivy*

What do you think? I’m hugely curious what the rest of you think…

What does an unschooling day look like exactly?

Today was the perfect example of a fairly *uneventful* yet beautifully filled with learning, love and joyous living day. It included some very sad inspiration too as well a lot of happy stuff too. I’m not sure I can write about EVERYTHING we talked/learned about and/or experienced today. In fact, I could probably fill a book with just today.

I’ll give it a try anyway.

Yesterday my mother sent me a note asking us to come for a visit. We agreed and the plan was to just wake up, shower and head up. On a Sunday that could put us there anywhere from 10:00 am to noon. Wolfgang had slept really late yesterday - we’re talking waking in the early afternoon. So, needless to say he didn’t sleep last night, at all. I woke up around 4:00 am to the sounds of thunder, not that cheezy Bob Seger song but real, loud, clapping, violent thunder. I tossed and turned until it faded off into the distance, got up and went to the bathroom only to realize poor Wolfgang was tossing and turning himself. I talked to him for a few minutes then went back in my room.

Then I thought I heard our cat, Random, meowing outside. I got up and checked. It took a little bit but I coaxed him out of the woods and into the house. I a was sleepy and wide awake at the same time. I was unable to resist the stunning sky. I grabbed my tripod and headed out into the dark barefoot looking for the best places to catch the sky. I spent a good 15-20 minutes outside waiting for the moon to pop back out of the clouds so I could snap a shot. No luck. So, I gave up and went back inside. Wolfgang was still awake so I suggested he go out in the living room and write or something. I would have liked to have stayed up with him but I was just too beat after standing out in the night. Either that of the adrenalin of being outside in the near pitch black had worn off. Wolf took my advice and spent the next couple of hours watching youtube videos and researching.

Jeff and I woke up around 8:30 am. Jeff made coffee. The kids showered one by one while Jeff worked on his Diane Sawyer project and I wrote.

After our shower, Jeff and I talked about something that has been eating away a me (and I’m sure many other people) for a few days now. The birds. The birds in the gulf. The oiled birds. Not just the birds really but all of the animals down in the gulf. The oil. All the OIL.

When it first happened I purposely didn’t read about it or watch because I knew it would be too upsetting and/or overwhelming for me. I was right. It is.

All I can think about, now that I’ve started to pay attention and I have seen those images, is getting myself down there to wash off those birds. To hold them and talk them and to show them that humanity isn’t just that oil slick.

Nearly the entire way up to my parents for our visit that is exactly what we talked about. All of us, except Wolfgang because he fell asleep before we were even out of the driveway. LOL. Jeff suggested next time he can’t sleep for us to just drive him around the block like we did when he was a little peanut. Griffin, Zoe, Jeff and I discussed ways to raise money to make the journey down to help the animals. We talked about various ways to try and plug the hole. We talked all the different people that were/are responsible. Why we thought it wasn’t getting taken care of fast enough. We talked about what kind of devastation there will likely be and what there is already. I don’t mean just Jeff or I talked and the kids listened. I mean they told us their ideas, feelings and thoughts on the whole situation and we listened.

Zoe and Griffin both came up with some amazing observations and ideas. Zoe suggested the person that created the miracle water filter (the Lifesaver Bottle) should make a big version that could be dragged over the top of the water. Griffin made a suggestion for containment and/or using gravel to fill the hole.

We all wondered what and if there is anything WE can/could do to help.

At my parents we talked about everything from computers, iPod applications, internet, email, oil, music, dj equipment, squirrels, indigo buntings, photography, blogging, writing, drumbeats, iTunes, and so much more. We used the internet to share our ideas, thoughts and inspiration.

We played a game of apples to apples which prompted discussions and pauses to look up various things online like human sonar…

…or when plastic was invented, when diabetes as discovered and a discussion about disgruntled postal workers including the story behind the phrase going postal…

And we laughed and laughed and laughed.

Jeff looked up info on salt mining another thing we had discussed on the way up. Griffin and I were not sure how salt was gathered and what the difference between Sea Salt and Table Salt was. After Jeff shared his online finds about salt mines I did some researching and found some interesting stuff myself. This video was just one I found about an accident involving oil drilling and a salt mine in Louisiana in the 80s. I shared it with Jeff, the boys and Pepere.

We ate Amy’s Vegan Pizzas, kids had Stouffer’s Mac & Cheese and we all ate Marry Me Bars and watched Tim Burton’s incredible, beautiful, extraordinary, Alice in Wonderland. Which prompted conversations about Tim Burton, caterpillars, Coraline, Neil Gaimen, Johnny Depp, movie making, green screen, effects, adaptation…and the list goes on.

The drive home was just as wonderfully conversation filled and inspiring as the rest of the day coming right back around full circle to the birds in the oil and how we can get down there to help them.

This is only a small slice of what the day. I can’t possible fill you in on every morsel of learning, joy and sharing that happened today but if you ever wonder what unschooling looks like…especially on one of those “do nothing” days….this would be a good example.

Now that I’ve finished this blog entry…I’m off to join the rest of my amazing family in dreamland. Maybe I’ll get to save some birds while I’m there…better yet maybe I can stop the spill from ever happening. It’s my dream, right? Why not….

Dragonflies are fascinating to me right now. Actually, bugs in general are intriguing me but for this entry I’m going to focus on dragonflies.

Yesterday, I was trying to take a photo of a specific type of dragonfly on our pond that seemed to be alluding me. Griffin was with me. He offered to try and catch one. I told him I was enjoying myself trying to take a picture of one without catching it. I wasn’t having any luck but was enjoying myself.

I muttered, “I’m just in awe of how many different kinds of dragonflies there are.” Not really saying it to Griffin but more aloud to myself.

He responded anyway. “Why? There are all kinds of different humans.” He paused then continued as he walked around me walking around trying to get the perfect shot. “There are all kinds of cats. There are all different kinds of foxes. There are all different kinds of caterpillars.”

I turn and smile at him, laughing. “Yes, there are. I don’t know for some reason this is what is amazing me right now. It makes me want to go look up all the different kinds and write a blog entry or something about them.”

He smiles back and me and we both go about our circling around watching the dragonflies.

Then Griffin begins to mutter to himself but lifts his head in my direction to include me, “There are EVEN all different kinds of lady bugs.”

That one of the beautiful things about unschooling. I am no more my children’s teacher than they are mine. Unschooling folks talk about a partnership in learning. I don’t get offended when my kids make a point. And I love they are as interested in how my mind works as I am in how theirs works.

And if you were wondering about the entry title, it’s Phish reference.

Peace,
Kelly

NOTE/Edit (7/21/2010): That photo is actually of two damselflies, not dragonflies. Ebony Jewelwing, calopteryx maculata.